Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. --Lao Tzu

With this job change comes worry: will we have enough? Of course we will have enough. We have more than enough, and still it seems so many times like we need more. Conrad and I go back and forth; as soon as one of us is really getting into a "simplicity" groove, the other is feeling a case of the overconsumptions coming on. We continually remind each other to fill up our lives with things that aren't things. I've been reading a lot lately that has not only brought me clarity about the social and spiritual and economic reasons to not accumulate stuff, but to in fact, get rid of it. Conrad and I almost always have a cardboard box (they're plentiful at both of our workplaces) sitting in the hall for items to donate. Though people have suggested to me that I might say, sell my clothes at Plato's Closet, or on eBay or whatever, I find it simplest to just donate them. I take all of our items to the same charitable organization. The reasons I love doing it this way are twofold: a cause I believe in is benefitting from my cast-offs, and it's simple. I just go and hand them the box. Done.

I've been very enamored with an industry term that professional organizers use: weed constantly. There is always, somehow, more stuff coming in. You have to constantly purge to keep it in check. Though I think I have pack-rat tendencies (my grandmother is a hoarder), I've found it gets easier, with practice, to get rid of stuff. I also think it's important to keep a box, all the time for this express purpose. Once something goes in the box, it's gone. No taking it out. The good news about that is that you don't have to take care of it any more. Your life just got a little easier.

Here are some web sites that have inspired me to pursue simpler lifestyle. Maybe you'll enjoy them too.

The Simplicity Forum:  a clearinghouse of resources for the simplicity movement
Simple Living: faith-based group working to live lives of simplicity and walking in the ways of Jesus. I love this site. Lots of practical, logical ideas. I like practical, logical ideas.
Unclutterer: blog about getting and staying organized. Bite-size, digestible ideas.
3191: this site makes my pulse race. Last year the two photographers took photos of their mornings all year. This year, it's evenings. A visual treat; simple, everyday tableaux that champion the simple living aesthetic.
Ali Edwards: she of scrapbooking fame is all about stripping ordinary, daily life stories down to their bones. In the best way. Lots of "real-people" ideas and inspiration here. Where I picked up the quote up there.
Zen Habits: productivity blog from a simple point of view. GTD-based, life hacks.

I'm going to go clean out my dresser. I feel donation motivation building up. 

So, miraculously, unexpectedly, they accepted my proposal. Now this is weird. I wasn't actually expecting it to work ... sort of kidding.

You may be wondering what I proposed. I will first say that I had three potential plans, each with their own degree of risk and change involved. But all of the plans had the following two things in common:

1. I would not have to do the office management tasks for the magazine anymore. No more entering  subscription orders, no more purchase order requests, no more dealing with the stupidest software on the face of the planet.
2. I would have more free time to do freelance writing, which is, ostensibly, my goal. To be a freelance writer.

Plan A worked. I don't have to implement the less desirable Plan B or the total career deviation Plan C. And here is Plan A, in all of its glory:

I will cut my hours in office by half, using all of my in-office time to focus on my assistant editor duties. I will not spend any of my time on office management because someone else will be hired to do it for the magazine. I will do only the part of the job that I like to do. The good half. I will use the other half of my "work week" time to write freelance for a variety of publications, some I'm guaranteed to get and others I can only hope for. I will maintain daily employment in my chosen industry and build my clips at the same time. I am brilliant.

I am also scared. What if I don't make enough money to make up for the other half of my salary? We just bought a house, for chrissakes. What if I'm lazy and procrastinate and bring more stress on myself through a job that requires lots of self-discipline? I'm trying to minimize stress!

My butterflies are multiplying too, because this is all going to happen very soon. Much sooner than was mapped out in my master plan. February 11. A little more than two weeks. I feel like a stagehand at Radio City Music Hall whose stage manager overhears her talking about wanting to be a Rockette and shoves her out onstage with the chorus line, right then and there, in front of a packed audience. I've got to figure out how to do this dance, and fast! And I don't even have on my tap shoes yet, and shit, I just remembered, I'm wearing my period panties under this skirt! High kicks, my ass!

It's so hard to make changes. Even little ones. This plan required the least amount of change for me, as it didn't mean I would be leaving the magazine. I wanted this--have wanted a change for a long time. It's so confusing then, when it's time to actually do it and you get nervous. I don't think I trust nervousness. In fact, there's only a select group of emotions that I'll really let have their way with me, and nervousness is not one of them. I think I'll be putting that one on the useless list, along with fear, envy and self-pity. My agenda is pretty packed--I'll not be having time for that crap.

Here I go. No time to waste, and that's one of my least favorite things about life. I really wish I could just sit back and bask in the victory of  getting what I wanted. But the truth is that I asked for what I wanted, and I got the closest possible thing: the opportunity to make it so.

First of all, it is snowing. I had lost hope that this city would ever see snow again, resigned to global warming's effects, and gosh-golly, I'd almost forgotten what it looks like to see flakes fall from the sky. It is so beautiful, you wouldn't even believe it. I don't know, maybe you would.

Secondly, I made a professional proposal today that, if accepted, will put me closer to my dream job. I'm excited, and I feel like it was received about as well as I could have hoped. I'm especially proud of myself though, for asking for what I want. I have a philosophy that you won't get what you don't ask for. So far, I've almost always gotten those big things I wanted. I'll give updates as soon as I know something definite.

Thirdly, I did a "Fitness Age" test with my trainer today, and though the results aren't exactly what I want them to be, I'd like to celebrate the fact that I have a very clear idea of  where I am today and where I want to go, physically. I'm going to share my results here, because I think this test is so darn cool:

Based on that info, here is my "fitness age" in the following categories:
Body Composition: 21 (this means I have the body composition of the average 21-year-old)
Cardio: 43 (this is where I was really disappointed. must get moving!)
Flexibility: 18 (this is the lowest age you can get)
Strength: 18 

Based on everything I know about myself, though, it sounds about right. I'm just very disheartened (pun intended) by my cardio score, as I should really be prioritizing that. My mom had a heart attack at age 47, and though she's not overweight, has never smoked, etc., it still happened. I don't want that to happen to me, and so I'm making a committment to improving my heart health. 

Got a little "me time" now, so I think I'm going to go craft. Sleep tight, friends, all cozy and warm and safe from the blustery night.  

About that "collecting open loops" business. I haven't gotten too far. As in, I haven't started. Oh, it's going to be such a big job! And I don't really feel like a big job today. I feel like a pot of tea and something simple and soft to occupy my hands. Maybe I'll make some pom-poms with the pom-pom maker Conrad gave me for Christmas. Mmm, yarn. That's the ticket.

Oh, big interworld, I wish you could give me some answers. It seems like just as soon as I fill in one blank on my Life Worksheet, the universe throws another bonus question up on the board. Geez.  

I'm giving myself a week to sit on a big decision. It seems like a no-brainer to make a change, but it's so safe to just not change, isn't it? I'm done with safe. What, really, do any of us have to lose? And I'm done with being nervous about decision-making. I was in a bar one night with some girls from an aerial studio in NYC. One of them, Louise, said their director (whose name was seriously the gayest Matrix-y name ever, Cipher) has a philosophy about doing drops on the fabrics. Cipher says that the worst thing you can do to a drop is "smear" it. Smearing it is when you are scared or hesitant and try to ease into your date with gravity. It doesn't look good. Better to throw yourself face-first toward the floor confidently and die than smear and die. I like that philosophy. Make a decision. Commit. Jump. Those who hesitate are lost.

Until I take that leap, though, I think I'll lay low. That's my m.o. today: curl up, settle in, hibernate. I'll do the high-dive tomorrow.