Conrad and I felt very strongly about writing our own vows for our wedding. In fact, we wrote nearly the entire text of the ceremony ourselves, with a small portion (a wedding address) left up to my brother-in-law Al, who was our officiant. I would encourage everyone getting married to consider writing their own vows, because these are the words that you will live by. Words are powerful, amazing things--why wouldn't you want to use the ones that came from your unique soul to pledge yourself to your spouse? When it comes down to it, this is what the day is all about. The vows. All the hoopla and ceremony and stuff is just there to frame the exchange of these promises.

For me and Conrad, two books were very useful. While we didn't want to use anyone else's words verbatim, it can certainly help to look through as many samples of vows and ceremony text as you can find, making notes about ideas, phrases and specific words that you want to use. One is The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions. This book gives a nice, broad overview of the many cultural and religious traditions you can incorporate in a wedding ceremony, though the textual selections are a bit skimpy in comparison to the next book. It has some good tips for ceremony itineraries and planning and rehearsal checklists. We did select and use the following poem on the envelopes for the invitations to our reception a few weeks later:

"Two Trees," Janet Miles
A portion of your soul has been entwined with mine.
A gentle kind of togetherness, while separately we stand.
As two trees deeply rooted in separate plots of ground,
While their topmost branches come together,
Forming a miracle of lace against the heavens.

 By far the most helpful book I looked through was The Wedding Ceremony Planner by Reverend Judith Johnson. The book is a huge compendium of opening prayers, gathering words, declarations of support, marriage addresses, vows, ring exchanges and benedictions. Since Al had never conducted a wedding ceremony before, it was essential to have as many options to look at as possible so we didn't leave out anything important and so the words used in this life-changing ceremony reflected who we were.

In the end, Conrad and I decided to surprise one another with our vows, so they would be fresh and as a sign that these words are special, to be saved for a singular and solemn time. Our exchanging of vows was by far the best moment of the day, and one of the best moments of my life.  Here are the vows we made to each other:

Conrad:

April, I feel so honored to be here with you today. You have taught me so much over the years about the way that friends and relationships can be the greatest things in life. From dressing up on Halloween to taking long walks on the beach at Tybee, we have created some the best memories of my life. Now I'm ready to make more memories and I want them all to have you in them. Together we will face all of life's experiences and share one another's dreams and goals. I promise to live you and care for you and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love, in an equal, honest relationship for as long as we both shall live.

April:

Conrad, I always knew there was something different and special about you. I knew that despite what first kept us apart, I wanted to love you. Now, when I reflect on how wonderful life is with you, I am in awe of how lucky, how blessed I am. Looking at how our lives prepared us to love one another, I see a plan that is greater than us. Conrad, you have loved me when there was doubt and uncertainty. I promise to love you when we are unsure and scared. You have loved me when you knew you wouldn't get any recognition or praise. I promise to love you for the sake of making you feel loved, without asking for anything in return. You have been willing to sacrifice so that I might follow my dreams. I promise to hold your dreams as important as my own and be your partner in helping to achieve them. I promise to be honest and open with you, sharing every part of my life and myself. I promise to be considerate and respectful of you, remembering always that you are my best friend. I promise to hold our love and relationship as the most important things in my life. I promise to love you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse until death parts us. I love you.  

It's been quite a while since I posted about details of the wedding, but I'm determined to document all of this here on my blog before six months passes (it's coming up!)

Conrad, who has a degree in culinary arts, decided to do make all the food we would eat at our wedding dinner. Together, we came up with a menu that we both liked:

The menu:

• Pear, walnut and blue cheese salad with cranberry vinaigrette
• Roasted butternut squash soup with popcorn and sage
• Sugar-rubbed pork tenderloin with roasted carrots parsnips and pears
• Thyme-infused mashed potatoes
  

I'm the kind of person who can only cook from recipes. Well, maybe not "can," but "will." I like to know someone has blazed the culinary trail ahead of me. Conrad, on the other hand, LOVES cooking with whatever he has on hand, making things up as he goes along. As a compromise, we researched recipes together for things we liked and then he used those as jumping-off points. Conrad's great at soups, so when I said "butternut squash," he was like, "no problem." We pulled the garnishes for that soup from a recipe from Food + Wine that adds fried sage leaves and unseasoned popcorn to the dish--it adds a great crunch to the smooth soup.

The pears on the salad tied into the decor, as Mom had put pears on the table and in the wreath outside. And they were tasty. Probably Conrad's favorite food ever is blue cheese (he calls it "The Sweet Blue"), so it was only appropriate to incorporate it somewhere in the menu. My favorite food is sugar, so that was already taken care of with the wedding cake.

Have I mentioned how good a cook Conrad is? His pork tenderloin is the best. Oh, mygod. Everybody was completely impressed, and get this--it was the first time ever that Conrad had cooked for his family. His mom was pretty concerned that making the food for the wedding would be too stressful for him, but he and I were convinced it was the right thing to do. We both wanted to make the day as personal as possible, and to have delicious, beautiful food. Our wedding took place in a barely-accessible-in-a-four-wheel-drive-truck cabin in the mountains, so we didn't have the option of hiring a quality, gourmet caterer. To make it happen without the stress that his mom was worried about, Conrad did all the prep the night before, with the help of a friend, and trained our two non-family guests on how to finish and plate the meal so he wouldn't have to worry about it on the day of the wedding. That plan worked brilliantly, but keep in mind he was only doing food for a dozen people. The benefit (the overarching benefit of our whole day) was that it was intimate and relaxed and truly special, giving us all time to savor the food, enjoy good conversation and spend plenty of time in one anothers' company.

Most of you know that my mom made my wedding dress. She is an extremely accomplished seamstress and makes clothes for me all the time, and I always knew I wanted her to make the gown I would wear on my wedding day. She made hers back in 1979, and made most of her clothes throughout her teen years, because that was all she could afford to do. It's true that necessity is the mother of invention, and my mother is a talented, diligent and creative person for it.

The pattern I picked out is a readily available one, McCall's pattern number M5047.  I knew I absolutely did not want a strapless dress like every single woman I know who has gotten married. I wanted a simple, slim silhouette without much decoration, more of a sheath dress to make the most of my tall height and frame. A long train or a full skirt would have been impractical and out of place in the small cabin where we were married. I wanted something that was romantic and sweet without being princess-y.

Before we bought expensive special-occasion fabric, I had Mom create the dress in white muslin to see if I liked the shape on me. With something as important as your wedding dress, you cannot wait until your mother has sewn her soul into a gown before you try it on for the first time. Luckily, I loved the dress and so we went ahead and ordered fabrics.

To keep the costs down, I decided to forego the $90-a-yard silks and picked out a satin polyester. The fabric cost us about $20 a yard, not including the $35-a-yard silk georgette Mom used for the ties across the back of the gown. Unfortunately, first fittings (and second fittings) of the dress did not go well, and we figured out the width of the straps the pattern called for in the front was too thick. In the picture above, the straps look nice and slim, but on my body they were spilling off over my shoulder.

During this time, we also decided we didn't like the drape of the silk polyester we'd picked out, and ended up scrapping the whole dress and buying new fabric for the body of it. I picked out a (still fairly inexpensive) polyester silk shantung that had a beautiful lustre, lighter weight and gorgeous texture with the little slubs in the fabric. 

Mom restructured the pattern and redrew the lines of the straps, and created the dress for a third time in the new fabric. It turned out perfectly ... the fit, the look, the comfort. The only thing that was missing was a bit more customization for the dress.

I had a fantasy for some sort of quilted or appliquéd birds swirling around all over the skirt of the gown, but Mom wasn't able to come up with a viable prototype. Instead, we ended up taking the dress to a lady who runs a sewing shop in town and having her embroider two pairs of doves on the front and the back of the dress near the hem. She did the embroidery in shades of cream, white and eggshell, and it turned out to be the finishing touch I was looking for.

I would recommend having your dress made if: A) you are an excellent seamstress, want to save money on your wedding dress, and think you can handle the stress if your dress is not "perfect" the first--or even final--time; B) there is someone close to you for whom making the Most Important Piece of Clothing You Will Ever Wear would make the dress more special, and the other two qualifiers above. For me, having Mom make my dress was a way to continue a legacy of handcraft in our family, get a treasured heirloom to pass on to my children and give Mom an opportunity to contribute to my wedding day in a tangible, incredible way.