Hesitant, not lost
About that "collecting open loops" business. I haven't gotten too far. As in, I haven't started. Oh, it's going to be such a big job! And I don't really feel like a big job today. I feel like a pot of tea and something simple and soft to occupy my hands. Maybe I'll make some pom-poms with the pom-pom maker Conrad gave me for Christmas. Mmm, yarn. That's the ticket.
Oh, big interworld, I wish you could give me some answers. It seems like just as soon as I fill in one blank on my Life Worksheet, the universe throws another bonus question up on the board. Geez.
I'm giving myself a week to sit on a big decision. It seems like a no-brainer to make a change, but it's so safe to just not change, isn't it? I'm done with safe. What, really, do any of us have to lose? And I'm done with being nervous about decision-making. I was in a bar one night with some girls from an aerial studio in NYC. One of them, Louise, said their director (whose name was seriously the gayest Matrix-y name ever, Cipher) has a philosophy about doing drops on the fabrics. Cipher says that the worst thing you can do to a drop is "smear" it. Smearing it is when you are scared or hesitant and try to ease into your date with gravity. It doesn't look good. Better to throw yourself face-first toward the floor confidently and die than smear and die. I like that philosophy. Make a decision. Commit. Jump. Those who hesitate are lost.
Until I take that leap, though, I think I'll lay low. That's my m.o. today: curl up, settle in, hibernate. I'll do the high-dive tomorrow.
April
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Oh well. I think I am of the Forest Gump school of thought (or unthought?): "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."