Life during wartime
Sometimes, I write 1,000 words and then I delete it all because it's way too self-indulgent. At least I recognize it. Wait, I think that last sentence was really self-indulgent.
The situation in Iraq is completely depressing. You want to know what's even more depressing? That I've let myself quit thinking about it, and so have thousands of other people. I hate the way I read news now: I'm a headline scanner. I don't have the heart to find out how many people died in "secretarian violence" today. I feel completely helpless and that's fed my apathy. I pass the people who stand by the Arch with their peace posters every Tuesday evening on my way home from work, and I wonder how they muster up the motivation to go out there every week. I wonder if they are actually just as apathetic as me, except they're tied to their routine of holding posters saying "Honk for peace" and can't bring themselves to do anything else, or don't know what that would be. I don't really feel like sending more troops over there is a good idea, but I don't think a quick withdrawal is either ... I just feel like our country totally fucked up. I think I've almost washed my hands of it, like "Well, I was vehemently opposed to this when it started and no one listened to me then, so I'm turning my back on it." What is the right thing to do, now, on a personal level? I guess I could start praying about it again. Maybe that's a start. Pray that the individuals in Iraq would be able to see a more peaceful path, somehow?
I just feel right now like I can't do this. This thinking about it. This letting it exist. I guess I have to. I guess that's really the start.
April
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And trying not to think about the situation in Iraq. It is just too depressing. I don't know what to do, either. I am just hoping and praying that Charlie doesn't get sent over, because that would absolutely break my heart.