Man, it's rough. I don't know where to start or where to begin, man
I told Conrad if I survive October, it will conclusively prove that I'm invincible. The other day I almost passed out while playing Blob Tag with a bunch of 10-year-olds, probably because all I'd eaten that day was a bag of M&Ms and a Dunkin Stick, and I realized that moment was pretty representative of my life lately, and maybe that needed to be addressed. Unfortunately, there's not time to address anything, so I'm just banking on life being a lot less absurd in about two weeks. Every time I type the word "unfortunately," I think of its Spanish translation, "disfortunadamente," which is a lot longer, but way funner to say. And when I look at that word typed out, "fortuna" springs out at me, and I'm reminded of one of my favorite fictional characters of all time, Ignatius J. Reilly, who marks his life by the spinning of Fortuna's great wheel. If Fortuna exists, her wheel has been a real carnival ride for me lately.
This month has been like a year. It's been completely manic at times, with incredible celebrations and spectacular spectacles (weddings, parties, gatherings, hugs, cartwheels, beautiful dresses, campfires, cakes), then suddenly turned dark and sludgy and worthless (fights, tears, impasses, junk food, pulled muscles, drought, headaches, stony silences). More than anything, October is completely imbalanced.
October, I love you, but I will not miss you* when you go. Instead I will sit, still and quiet by the window, and watch every single leaf fall off the cherry tree. And I will be so thankful.
*EDIT: After I wrote this, that sentence felt awfully familiar. Today I remembered them as the words of Sarah Brown, my favorite person I don't know. You know you're mythic when strangers make allusions to your writing.
April
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Someone is losing, and someone is winning.
P.S. Isn't Ignatius the main character in A Confederacy of Dunces? I love him too :)