My own prison
Well, there are 51 hours until it will Officially be Wedding Day, and I'm more than a little stressed. I've got so much to do, and I don't know how it is going to happen.
I just got back from David's Bridal, which I visited for my first and last time as a bride. While I was there letting my mom tell me what wrap she liked best for my dress, I just felt absolutely sickened by what the bridal industry does to people. Their advertising is some of the most insidious, I think, because it plays on nearly all the major insecurities of women. Way-happy salesgirls go bouncing around the store, probably convinced that they're helping to make someone's dreams come true, while they're just part of this massive materialistic black hole. I hope I sound pissed, because I totally am: I don't take kindly to the idea that there is a whole industry that's trying to make money off my hopes and fears surrounding the thing that's most precious to me on this earth.
I'm pissed at myself for letting it get to me. Don't think you're stronger than the Bridal Industry. You are not. It will get you. I thought that by having a tiny wedding the Bridal Industry Demon would think me too small a fish to be bothered with, and I would go unnoticed, unpossessed. I was wrong. Just because you don't buy any bridal magazines doesn't mean your mom won't. And we all know the untamable power of a mother on a mission. I can't believe the things I've let stress me out during this whole process. Finding the Perfect Soup Bowl, a journey of many miles and much profanity; who should have a corsage, maybe everybody? because it's so small; the registry--did we get the right stuff?; the list goes on. At the top of my list of regrets is that I don't feel like I've had as much fun with Conrad during the past 4 1/2 months as I should have. The fact that I've let these petty things take precedence over just enjoying my relationship with him makes me heartsick, and I'm so glad all this hoopla will be over soon.
For now, I have to put together the menu cards for the wedding dinner. It is possible that I will need to be wheeled to the ceremony on a stretcher.
April
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